community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
