Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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