I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
