So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
