we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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