I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i think my tv is drunk
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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