Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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