I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
