you would pick up someone in the library
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
