Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
