Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
