But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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