The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
