ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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