i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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