I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
