Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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