you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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