Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
