I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
