Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
