everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
