I didn't shave. On purpose
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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