i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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