I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
