areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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