Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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