Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
