I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
