Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
