It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
