God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
