I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
