i permit you to call me
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
