And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
