I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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