We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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