when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
