Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Let's paint friendship bongs
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
