vagina is talking i cant
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
