remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
