ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
