If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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