Soap is not a condiment
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just want to make out with him forever
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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