i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
