i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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