She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
