My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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