I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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