Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I pour the whiskey from now on
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
