I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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