:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
