I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
