that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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