I can text with my tongue
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
