It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
