Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
